You've just met the man of your dreams at - oh, let's say a party: Good-looking, smart as a whip, polite, good job‚Äîhell, just a job is enough for you. You spend the entire evening talking about music, art, and the upcoming Real World season. You sense he's really into you: the way he gazes deeply into your eyes as he opens your beer bottle with his teeth. The two of you make plans to meet the following weekend and you even give him your cell phone number‚Äîyou can already picture the two of you having really degrading sex. Then a girl walks up and introduces herself as his girlfriend. Now what?
1. Know your enemy.
Don't think that by showing him something his girlfriend isn't, he's going to be all into you. It could scare him off by intimidating him or making him feel uncomfortable around you because you're too alien. By emulating her positive traits, you'll help him make the transition of a different girl a lot smoother. Remember, a guy doesn't necessarily want the totally opposite if what his girlfriend is‚Äîthe fact that she's not his girlfriend is usually enough.
2. Lay your trap.
Let the guy want to be everything your imaginary boyfriend isn't. Guys are dumb that way: They'll get instantly protective about a girl after spending a mere 10 minutes with her - it's the simian nature in man. After making this guy comfortable with the fact that you're open to a potential affair, you're ready to begin the next step.
Voice. You're going to want to adjust your speech patterns around his. You're not going to exactly mimicking him, but rather incorporating some of his more subtle vocal characteristics with yours. If he speaks slow and quiet, you do the same thing. If he pauses between sentences, so do you. Again, the idea behind this is to make him as comfortable as possible around you because in a sense, he'll be talking to a female version of himself.
Vision. While you're chatting with him just like the way you were told above, you'll want to look him in eye with clear, open eyes. Look deep into his as if you were looking through his big, dumb head‚Äîkind of like how you look at those cheap 3-D art posters. It sounds pretty dumb, but it's actually a pretty tricky and effective move. In all actuality, he'll be the one transfixed in your gaze. If you can pull it off, you'll practically be able to see him gravitating towards you.
Touch. So you're working the first two techniques and you two seem to be getting on famously. Everything is working like clockwork, but he still needs a nudge. What you want to do is take it up a notch: use physical contact. The only successful kind is the "accidental" touch. You know, you're both in a crowded room, other people are trying to get by and - oops‚Äîyou just accidentally brushed your arm against his chest. The trick here is that you don't want to make it obvious. In other words, don't smother him with your boobies or use his crotch as leverage when you get up from the couch the two of you are sitting on. If he starts to return your contact, do not allow yourself to get bolder with yours. Let him stew until you see him again.
4. Reap the rewards.
One final word of advice: If this guy you're having a hot affair with all of a sudden wants to see you exclusively, tell him to go screw himself. After all, who'd want to date a cheater?
The Review of the Year of Things #1: Jason Lewis surveys the years' great albums and noting so many, compartmentalized, as men do. So, here, albums by those so profoundly impacted by Death