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Monocle

O Superstar!

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by LamontPaul, for outsideleft.com
originally published: August, 2013
Frisson. In an instant yeah I thought about how best to accessorize my low-level small-time operator gentle robber baron self
by LamontPaul, for outsideleft.com
originally published: August, 2013
Frisson. In an instant yeah I thought about how best to accessorize my low-level small-time operator gentle robber baron self

Sorry. Most likely you turned to this page expecting something about the latest electronic sampling j-obscuros and their rather dour downbeats. Oh well. Let me recommend the forthcoming Mark & Spencer record for that. Rather this is more about my eyes and they are failing. 

I met with a Silverlake area eye doctor overjoyed to declare I thought even at the time, in the moment he declared, I mean he really declared like a local theatre thespian on the big stage for the first time, in the back room of his business that my eyes were going, and it was totally to be expected, my eyes as I knew them were finished. It wasn't easy to hear. 

It wasn't too easy to hear because my hearing is going too.

So now. How the hell to see anything in the future? 

I have a really wide head, that rules out Tart Arnels knock offs and I don't want to be seen in Persols - although they can fit wide heads quite comfortably and are superfine for new superstars and fairly fine for faux stars. In my neighborhood, probably asking yourself to be the eventual scene of a crime. 

Widehead, what am I saying, I have a full on fat head. 

Anyway, I just didn't know what would wrap around it. I'm pretty sure that Shuron in South Carolina might have something. They don't do retro styling so much as work from their own original  designs some of which are 159 years old and are possibly about the coolest hand made fames you'll find. But maybe too cool for my neighborhood, again, I can hear myself (in my head) sounding (as I so often do) like Bowie "No! no... Not my eyes!" (From Man Who Fell to Earth).

And then there's that fear too about somehow making your eyes lazier by helping them with corrective lenses - who doesn't say when they start out with reading glasses, "I'm trying not wear them too much." As if defying the decline. My acupuncturist said the very thing. I thought, no needles for your eyes?

Still. I checked out McClintock's in Covent Garden, who doesn't. And perused the legendary OldFocals in Pasadena, and then went online or maybe I did that first of all or what the hell ever.

That's when I came upon Warby Parker and wow, they're sort of like the UK's DirectGlasses with customer service on 11 and a sense of humor. And they're not named glassesdirect they're named warby-parker which you know yanks up the elan a little bit. And then I found their monocle. Not everyone for some reason even offer monocles. Here's what it understatedly says of their whiskey tortoise model on the Warby Parker website "Crafted in a perfect circle with just the right amount of grip and give, our Colonel monocle is the perfect accessory for budding robber barons, post-colonial tyrants and super villains."

Frisson. In an instant yeah I thought about my low-level small time operator gentle robber baron self. And how the monocle could hang handily when not in use and that one eye has failed far more substantially than the other and that a monocle may not be of much interest maybe to the local criminal fraternity. And then I recalled Chris Eubanks - remember that guy - didn't stop him boxing - didn't have to wear it while driving - and I don't know but I've been told that the artist Frank Yonco uses one while examining the detailed brush strokes of his works.

Guy's gotta have it. 

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LamontPaul

publisher, lamontpaul is currently producing a collection of outsideleft's anti-travel stories for the SideCartel, with a downloadable mumbled word version accompanied by understated musical fabulists, the frozen plastic

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