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Ancient Champion: Do You Have The Haynes Manual For That? Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere gets into gear and other things I forgot to tell you

Ancient Champion: Do You Have The Haynes Manual For That?

Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere gets into gear and other things I forgot to tell you

by Ancient Champion, Columnist
first published: October, 2021

approximate reading time: minutes

Each time Jay Lewis, who made the video, goes to work he is more creative than ever

Hey, I have been so busy, creating a mess of things and hadn’t gotten around to sharing things with you guys and as you know I am generally a big sharer. Then again, I never want this to appear to be a sales pitch, right. I only do these things for you because I dig you, I value you and I am unsure, if, say, if you are a young person, if you are not privately educated, if you are a woman, if you are older without a gold plated private pension, actually if you are anything other than a property developer shoveling vast sums at the tories right now, I am not sure that your government values you or in fact actually gives a shit about you or whether you live or die at all. I never ever hear talk of the quality of any program or plans they have, only ever how much you are costing them.

Meanwhile, like everyone, I have to do things, a lot of things to keep me from thinking about how endemic shit life syndrome really is, whether you know you’re living it or not. You almost certainly are.

Look, so that I don’t have to continue with my own personal shit life syndrome here, I have something to sell tell you and I don’t anticipate that you’ll enjoy it but c’mon... Besides the point. At last, at very long last, I have gotten together with Disco City Books to publish my super slender collection of short stories, Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere. It features memorable, anxiety-inducing cut-up cover art by the esteemed artist, Damon Hayhurst and the excitement stops there. So far you can find it all over online bookstores and Amazon... The print edition will be available by November.  

I began writing this on a bus to Colmore Row. The juddering and shaking made me feel like I was on the first bus on the moon. The roads around here can make it difficult for passengers to read. This collection can be enjoyed on the move, or rather it is recommended that a single story be read while your bus is paused at a stop and then considered as you continue your journey through the inevitable potholes and bumps. 

That’s from the book. Actually, I began writing it an age ago but every day for four years I was immersed in any scrap of news that might mean Trump was hustled from the Whitehouse. That’s delusional. It took the will of the American people to dump him on his ass at the first chance they got. 

Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere CoverThe Six Stories
Better Be Ready To Go Back
Kiki and Amanika Miss Class
Big Marty and Little Marty
Would You Spend The Rest of Your Life With Me
Bird Island
The Return

Okay, there are actually seven…

The eBook is available now everywhere online. The Print version can be pre-ordered here - and will ship in the first part of November. 

Phew. Oh it’s been so long since I wrote here, that Oh lord, I twisted my knee while watching the tennis in New York. I know what you’re thinking, “he cannot be serious,” right? Of course, it is true. I am having trouble descending the stairs or cutting the lawn. I had to cancel a trip to the barber. Because of tennis, Emma Raducanu has become a national treasure at 18 after winning the New York Open. The last Grand Slam of the season. Mrs Champion set her alarm for the Night Rallys. So much has been written about Emma and how she kept her feet on the ground by going to the Met Ball and so on and how that one night out must’ve cost her in Palm Springs. But so much more has probably been said on our very street. Older men seemed keen to watch and behaved as if it was the most normal thing in the world to peek in on Instagram as a teenager lifts weights.

Whipped Up CoverBecause I am cowardly-custard I can’t tell you how this happened, but filmmaker and poet Jay Lewis has surpassed himself with the video he created for the current Ancient Champion single, Whipped Up and Stripped Down. Each time he goes to work he is more creative than ever. There's a style to these videos in their nature,  I am sure he can tell you...

Here’s what people are saying - people do say the nicest things and they are welcome to do so - top star and critically acclaimed writer said “Surely the best yet.” Counterpointed by top underground dj... “I thought you were all about being slow. That’s a bit uptempo, that.”

That’s all for now. I’m gonna do this again though.

Main photo by, the artist, Damon Hayhurst
Ancient Champion's Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere is available here bookstores and here Amazon
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Ancient Champion

Ancient Champion writes for OUTSIDELEFT while relentlessly recording and releasing instrumental easy listening music for difficult people. The Champ is working on Public Transport, a new short story collection that takes up where 2021's Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere (Disco City Books) left off. It should be ready in time for the summer holidays. More info at

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