“You’re not going to believe this...” I was mentioning, I mean, with an absolutely pyrotechnical display of elation, “Even though the print edition is not out until Halloween, my collection of short stories, Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere has reached #413 on the Amazon, Literary Fiction, Short Stories-Of-A-Difficult-Type-to-Enjoy charts.” Why oh why did I leave the word experimental out of the description.
I think if only I could invent a more obscure niche category, I could have gotten to number one. Not that I care about that oh no. I am the maker of art no one can easily enjoy after all. It’s incompatible, that reasonable people could discern or even just find the joy within these pages.
“Number 413 already,” I said, “It’s a hit! I am going to open my own shop on my website.”
“That’s a waste of time. You always advise people to take their products to where the people are. Amazon, Ebay, Etsy, wherever. You’re not expecting any of those people to come to you? And you were opposed to using up more of the world's resources than you already had. And I agree with you, you're old, I think you’ve had your fair share.”
“Number 413 though...”
“413... Oooh. Shall I order the new kitchen tiles then?”
Ah, the kitchen tiles. Have you tried to buy kitchen tiles? Locally. It ain’t an easy thing. There are so many visually non-captivating tiles in the world. I know, I have seen I think all of them in the past few months. We live in a world where every single surface is designed and we live under a government who do not value art and design in education when my experience of crap kitchen tiles would suggest we don’t need less art and design education, we as a nation need way more of it.
Not every home has kitchen tiles. Does yours? Let me know, let’s discuss. Not every home needs them. Currently our kitchen walls are emblazoned with circa 2012 subway tiles. So contemporary. Then. It was the height of the domesticated industrial chic era. So problematic now. The subway tiles contrast nicely with the cantilevered pendant lamp over the table. You know the type.
“Who did these?” A contractor once asked me while running his hand over the tiles. That didn’t appear to come from a place of complete admiration. “I did.” Ended that conversation.
I was so done with looking at the most uninspired tiles imaginable and looking again. Then Ms. Champ finally found these triangular tiles at Claybrook studios. Sensational. I love them. But can I for the life of me get anyone with the skills required to attach them to the walls, to actually attach them to the walls? It’s tricky, it’s geometric. It’s to be figured out while I at last finally get the Thinline out of the wardrobe and get to work (alongside that marvel, Woodenhand) on recording our Notes to Accompany Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere. If you listen, you'll love what you read.
Ancient Champion's short stories, Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere available in paperback and ebook here and elsewhere now.
Notes to Accompany Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere January 2022.
Claybrook Studios is here