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Super Bowl Sunday #pray-the-oven-doesn't-breakdown

Super Bowl Sunday


by Ancient Champion, Columnist
first published: February, 2022

approximate reading time: minutes

"Super Bowl is hell" - "We just try to get through the day without having a nervous breakdown" - "#pray-the-oven-doesn't-breakdown" - "Go Rams!"

I never get my Super Bowl Sunday facts straight. I always want to credit Andy Warhol with designing the Cincinnati Bengals hats, I don’t know why, I heard that somewhere once, maybe at an acid laden Montmartre house party or somewhere like that and, and it struck me and stuck with me and I kinda like it despite it being just an apocryphal piece of lazy-itis from me. At least I think it is. So why not? Why, anything? It’s a form of madness I can’t shake and I am concerned about that. But still, where would I be without my own personal Madness? After all, it’s not too hard to discover that Les Claypool’s dad Bruce Claypool, designed the iconic Bengals helmets in 1981 and even if Bruce Claypool is not Les Claypool’s dad, that hat will always be way more significant than the Les kid anyway. Even the kid would say that, I feel sure, and I never ever want to put words into anyone’s mouth - especially on a Super Bowl Sunday, since over time I have come to understand that what people want putting in their mouths on a Super Bowl Sunday is a significant amount of Pizza and stuff and more about that later since I managed to eke out some quotes from an owner of one of Los Angeles’ most famed pizza restaurants about their Super Bowl Sunday hopes and dreams as the NFL pachyderm comes to town. And a final anyways tho to this paragraph, anyway, in Super Bowl terms, although not NFL-pop culture nexus…It barely mattered who designed the Bengals helmets before now of course, because the Bengals, with their history of NFL futility dating back to… in Super Bowl Years, to Super Bowl I, have never lifted the Vince Lombard Trophy, although they did actually reach the final in Super Bowl XVI Bengals lost to the 49ers,  21-26 (1982 - that helmet design got off to a headstart!) and Super Bowl XXIII, again losing to the 49ers, this time 16-20. 


So, today, Super Bowl LVI pitches the Bengals once again, against a heavily favoured California team, home town favourites, the Los Angeles Rams, in the $5bn scifi SoFi stadia home of the Rams in Inglewood. The Rams have a pretty sensational mammalian iconography on their hat too. It’s the clash of the animal icon headwear.


The Bengals uniforms were updated quite recently. The tiger striped pants are pretty amazing. And next season will see an alternate, white tiger Helmet. It's getting all the more Siegfried & Roy all the time. Ans that's why they are one of my favorite NFL teams.

Bruce Claypool of course, I hope will be at the game today. He doesn’t get the credit he deserves. Are you able to think of another product that has retained the same design for 40 years? For that, Claypool is right up there with the likes of Raymond Loewy, Henry Dreyfuss and Buckminster Fuller. Claypool’s modesty and generosity saw him turn to teaching at the Art Centre College of Design. He paints, oh wow does he paint. It’s an amazing life. I think we should feature his amazing painting.Bruce Claypool

Maybe that’s enough about football. Let’s tie up our onscreen loose ends with info you can find anywhere but you won’t have to look too far, it’s what is it, just a thing, 2022’s Super Bowl adverts are purportedly $7,000,000 per 30 seconds, but that is going to vary depending on where your ad is played. Pizza companies like to get that final spot before the opening kick of the game.

One ad in particular, features Snoop (also part of the fabled half time show) and I think what looks like Martha Stewart. I don’t know whether that is one of those clever film pieces that puts together 30 year old footage.  Advertising for some people is bigger than the game. It’s the culmination of training for the Ali Foreman fight. A year climaxes today the ad agencies are getting into the ring. The aftermath may begin tomorrow. So to soothe Don Draper’s nerves, lets check out the footage he shot of a guys eating a burger, an ad that worked out well I believe.

More important than the game, is the excuse to eat with friends, with 87º predicted in Los Angeles today, to hang out by the pool and eat with friends. So just how many pizza boxes are gonna be needed before the game is over today? I was surprised to learn that just 1.5 million pizzas are consumed on Super Bowl Sunday. Some people are gonna be making a crust today, some people, literally making the crust. If I don’t see you in Inglewood at the game, if you’re on the Eastside of Los Angeles and are wondering where your pizza is coming from… then of course, Masa of Echo Park, our favourite Chicago Deep Dish Pizza place is ready for you!  And you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you... Thanks for your super choice Super Bowl Sunday quotes Masa!

What every restaurant owner knows of course, no thanks to the NFL, but it isn't Valentine's day until tomorrow...

Essential Info
Image of the Pizza Boxes by Masa of Echo Park [order here!]
Quotes - Super Bowl Sunday off the field by Masa of Echo Park
Uniforms images - wikipedia

Online at the Bruce Claypool Studio

Ancient Champion

Ancient Champion writes for OUTSIDELEFT while relentlessly recording and releasing instrumental easy listening music for difficult people. The Champ is working on Public Transport, a new short story collection that takes up where 2021's Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere (Disco City Books) left off. It should be ready in time for the summer holidays. More info at

about Ancient Champion »»



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