“I don’t think he cares a shit about me anyway.”
Thursday 22 June 1978
(I fancied the older brother of a school friend. I encountered them at a school play. And this is how my diary went…)
And behold amid the throng I saw, N and P (school friend and brother). I smiled and waved at them and they smiled and waved back. I’ll just say now that the play to me seemed very good although (one of the people in it) said it was going terribly and she ‘hated the audience’. Anyway at the interval I went over and spoke to N and her brother. The latter commented on my PVC jacket saying that it was leather on which point I enlightened him. We conversed a little awkwardly I think about the play. I really feel that I would have been better if N had not been there. I know that's not particularly a nice thing to say, but it's true. I didn't want to address her brother too often for fear of being suspected or for fear of being rude to my N. He has indeed had his hair cut shorter, it looks rather odd without the curly ends! I noticed for the first time how fair his hair is.
At the second interval I decided that I'd better not be so pushy so I went for a drink with my sister. They came in and didn't say anything to us. Now I feel dreadful in case I was too pushy or in case my ‘punky’ look is off putting. Anyway before this party tomorrow I'm going to their house at 7:30 PM. What do I wear? How do I do my hair, how? How I do my eyes? How do I look punky but attractive at the same time?
I don’t think he cares a shit about me anyway.