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Ancient Champion: Anachronism Is The UK Stunning myself in the garden. Taking it all in.

Ancient Champion: Anachronism Is The UK

Stunning myself in the garden. Taking it all in.

by Ancient Champion, Columnist
first published: May, 2023

approximate reading time: minutes

Let's get together on a palace terrace with the King and his Queen and the PM for a long cool drink of untreated river water and talk it over.

An historic weekend then. With some damp crowds lining the route from Buckingham Palace to the Abbey for a completely bizarre and byzantine ceremony providing millions of default christians with their first glimpse inside a church in aeons. And a goading Bishop reminding them that they owe it all, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G that is, to their king, who has been handpicked and appointed by a no lesser authority than God and is therefore far more than just superior to those lining the route, whom must remain supplicant at all times. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to pledge your gratitude to the new Ancient Champ! Fortunately everyone in line knows their place.

In the UK of course there is the dressing up and the clinging on to some past. I did like Charles' shoes, apparently from Trickers of Northampton where you can get something nice for your foot for £500. I mean my wallet is out of touch with reality but that still seems reasonable. 

Anyone who unfortunately chose to go out in London dressed up in a yellow shirt though was subject to summary justice. Internment, imprisonment without trial in the UK. That only used to happen in Northern Ireland. Now they don’t have it. Now the rest of us do. It might also be noted at this point that the Royal Ulster Constabulary was such a sick bag at some point it was replaced entirely. Maybe the Met should study that report. Maybe our politicians should. It seems that the MET suck and get away with it because they didn’t properly investigate Boss Johnson. 

I sometimes wonder why in the midst of the pomp and their circumstances - that we are told to believe that no one does so well as England does, why a mere moment of genuine national introspection is not permissible? We might consider how far backwards the country moved during the arc of the reign of the last monarch and how much further back our leaders would have us go. A nation that cannot afford to maintain the standard of living doctors enjoyed 20 years ago, a nation that doesn't cherish diversity, and on that wilfully undermines and underfunds an education system, for starters, ponder where all that leads. Let's get together on a palace terrace with the King and his Queen and the PM and a long cool drink of untreated river water.

Some people appeared to be saying that the coronation was stripped down and maybe only cost £100,000,000. I don't know about the numbers. I might be thinking about that number next time someone I know dies while waiting for unaffordable nursing care. It’s a rounding figure though, alongside the other billions and billions the Tories have and are going to squander between now and a general election. Look for the billions and billions the Tories have given away through their schemes that are aligned to some of the most hapless and dishonest ideation of free market ideology the planet has ever seen. Sunak’s Future Fund for example (media story here by Rob and Samantha), for progressive innovators. Perhaps appointed by God. Try following the money on that one. Do. Jesus. At its best that’s like picking the horses without reading the Racing Post.  It’s for angel investors to take ideas forward. Not someone with an MPs phone number in their futuristic croc skin Filofax. 

Well at least people with jobs will get a four day week this week. Something known to benefit the people part of the capitalist equation, but no one can be courageous enough to establish it here, in our lifetimes. The Victorians didn’t do it! There is a masochistic madness here. I actually love England, I love being here. I just want us all to do better, all of us, together. 

I was watching TV on Saturday and I just couldn’t see anyone looking forward. That’s about it for the view from here.

Essential Info
Fly the Bag by Andy Porthole. (Aldi bag confronting the coruscating coronation day drizzle. England, 2023)

Ancient Champion

Ancient Champion writes for OUTSIDELEFT while relentlessly recording and releasing instrumental easy listening music for difficult people. The Champ is working on Public Transport, a new short story collection that takes up where 2021's Six Stories About Motoring Nowhere (Disco City Books) left off. It should be ready in time for the summer holidays. More info at

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