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I'm Getting Nudged Out of My Own Wedding.

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by Erin Pipes, for outsideleft.com
originally published: June, 2005
I'm pretty sure the groom was definitely flirting with me.
by Erin Pipes, for outsideleft.com
originally published: June, 2005
I'm pretty sure the groom was definitely flirting with me.

Behold, "Dear Girl... - OutsideLeft's version of the tried and true sex column. Erin Pipes, the girl in "dear girl... is a fully qualified expert in the field of sex - mainly because she has the most of it on the staff - so rest assured, you're in good hands.


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Dear Girl,

This may not be a sexual question per se, but here it is anyway. My fianc?©e and her girl-friend have been giving me shit for "being too involved" in the planning of our wedding plans. My argument is that I have friends and family attending as well and I'd like a say in some things. Am I wrong? What the fuck?

Concerned in Austin


Hmmm.  My first instinct is to get all down on your fianc?©e (and this goes for her dumb friend, too), because here we are in 2005.  Men can be stay-at-home parents!  Women can bring home the bacon!  It's been a different kind of world for a while now, and just because you're a dude doesn't mean you can't have a hand in the planning of your wedding.  But!  This makes me wonder about your tastes.  Maybe that's the problem?  Maybe you're pushing for your best pal's Dj-ing repertoire of "Superfreak" and "Another One Bites The Dust" and she's thinking string quartet, hmm?  Or maybe you want BBQ ribs at the reception, and she's all about salmon filets?  Regardless, I think the important thing to remember is what all marriages need, before and after the wedding planning: compromise.  If future-wifey can't hang with your input, then that might be an indication of other situations in which she won't want your opinion.  Now's the time to test your compatibility and sit down to tell her you want in.


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Dear Girl,

I was one of the maids of honor at a wedding last week. I'm pretty sure the groom was definitely flirting with me at the reception - enough to where I was getting creeped. They're on their honeymoon now, but what do you think? Do I mention it or let it go?
K.L. - Scottsdale, AZ


Ew!  Dude, at least wait until after the wedding is over to slink down the path of the Snake In Groom's Clothing!  Ugh.  Well, as much as I want to push for telling the bride about this, I say keep your lip zipped.  Other people might disagree, sure.  But in my experience, the minute you tell someone that their (very!) significant other is flirting inappropriately with you, they turn against you-- even only a few degrees. She might already be aware that hubby is a bit of a jack-the-lad.  And, technically, although certainly ickie from the new groom at a wedding, flirting isn't exactly cheating.  It's not even indicative of future-cheating.  And, also, maybe think about what kind of flirting it was.  He could've been feeling really good.  I mean, not only full of champagne and about to head off on a fabulous honeymoon and open awesome gifts and envelopes stuffed with cash-money, but also just married to the woman with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life.  I'd say that's cause for a twinkle in the eye and a big, warm smile and even a randy little side-joke, wouldn't you?


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Dear Girl,

The girlfriend has told me about some really strange fantasies of hers - weird to the point that I'm not sure how to even explain them. Nothing illegal, just different. My question is, when a girl has a fantasy, does she really want to carry them through or is it one of those things where it's just fun for her from a distance?
El Jefe, Alhambra, California


Well, I think that depends on your girlfriend, hmm?  I mean, I've got some serious fantasies about being muscled and forced to the floor to perform various degrading acts, and hell yes, let's carry those through!  The fantasies about screwing different (sometimes not even imaginary) family members, however-- probably better kept in the secrets box.  The modern girl has a lot going on upstairs.  No, it doesn't necessarily mean she wants to suck your dog's dick, even though she may enjoy thinking about it every once in a while.  I've said it before: all girls are different.  If it's not too freaky for you to discuss these so-called strange fantasies, then what's the big deal in asking her if she'd ever make them flesh?  That is, unless you're scared to hear her answer. 

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Gotta problem? Of course you do. Send them in email form to Dear Girl (or as we at the office call her, Erin) at info@outsideleft.com. Our intern-monkeys will be sure to pass them on to her.

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