around 16,999,649 stories served since 2004  
get the weekly Outsideleft newsletter

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH COB-TO-GENETALIA SIMULATION?.

by Erin Pipes,
originally published: July, 2005

Some clits are larger than others...


Some clits are larger than others...

DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH COB-TO-GENETALIA SIMULATION?

story by Erin Pipes

originally published: July, 2005

Behold, "Dear Girl... - OutsideLeft's version of the tried and true sex column. Erin Pipes, the girl in "dear girl... is a fully qualified expert in the field of sex - mainly because she has the most of it on the staff - so rest assured, you're in good hands.

 

+ + +

Dear Girl,
So I've bought a variety of vibrators before - regular, gspot stimulation, small handheld and have been underwhelmed. They just don't seem to work for me at all, and I've tried several different things and methods of usage.  Umm.is there anything I can do to find a vibrator that works or should I just give up and stick to traditional methods?
Anonymous, NYC

You know...a few years ago, I was doing reviews for different porn magazines, specifically in the products department.  In that time, I tested every vibrator on the market, practically (even the one that looks like a corncob!) and came up much as you did; underwhelmed.  Eventually, though - - I found one that totally rocks my socket, but it took some consideration.  There may not be a vibrator that will work for you, especially if the problem turns out to be one of preference (flesh over fantasy) and that's okay, too - - but here are some things to think about: What kind of stimulation gets you off?  Are you more of a clitoris girl, or do you like those deep inside orgasms?  Do you like it rough, or with a softer touch?  Does it bother you to beat off with a gigantic corncob, or is style not so much a factor (surprisingly relevant!)?  These are all things you should take into account when you're choosing a vibrator, as there's such a variety these days, for all the different, happy buzzing vaginas.  Ask your friendly sex shop employee next time you venture in - - that's what they're there for, and I'm sure they'd be more than happy to lend you a helping hand.  (For the record?  My knight in gleaming plastic came in the form of the Acuvibe.  Perfect perfect perfect for the steady, soft, outside stimulation that I require.  Yum.)

 

+ + +

 

Dear Girl:

Does the clit actually "get larger" when its owner is excited? I've looked and I can't tell a difference. Related question: do the whole lower extremities get, um - puffy I guess is the word I'm looking for here - with blood when a gal gets horny.

Perplexed Pete, Long Beach

 

Like with anything, it sort of depends on the clit. I mean, some clits are larger than others, some are more sensitive, etc., etc. Generally though, there's some swelling when the girl is aroused, and yes, in the entire area.  You know...much in the same way a penis does, and just like you said, blood rushes to the area and gets everything nice and puffy and ready for The Big Moment.  I like that you're down near the clit paying close attention, Pete. So attentive!  Keep up the good work.

 

+ + +

 

Dear Girl,

I'm on a Prozac-like pill because if I don't take it, I won't get out of bed in the morning. I've been on said drug for about 6 months now and everything is pretty great. The only problem is, my libido is in the shitter. I can't even muster up the desire to take the vibrator out of the nightstand. Now the boyfriend is getting pissed. I've asked my doctor what I can do to fix the problem, but he's saying it's a side effect (which I already knew, duh). Anything I can do (without taking more drugs) to get me more into sex again. By the way, this wasn't a problem before the medication.
Thanks, Melissa G., South Florida

 

Oh, MG.  I know what you mean.  Unfortunately, there's very little you can do to recapture that 'suddenly dying to fuck someone's brains out' feeling while on any kind of anti-depressant. You can try a little (definitely not doctor-recommended) booze, every once in a while, to get the game going. Forcing some masturbation on yourself can actually help, too.  The one thing you really need right now, though, is a patient partner.  And I'm talking extreme patience of the sort that requires the willingness to work on you for hours if that's what it takes. Sensual, full-body massage that uses nearly an entire bottle of Kama Sutra rubbing oil?  Yes!  Endless, face-cramping oral sex?  Absolutely!   I understand your boyfriend's frustration, believe me.  But if he wants you, and he wants you happy, then he needs to live with the medication and see this as a challenge.  Go team!

 

+ + +

 

Dear Girl,

I got my hands on several dozen Viagra pills. I tried one and it does the job, but I want to know if it'll have any effect on my girlfriend. I read somewhere that it does something but can't find any information on it anywhere anymore. Also, have you tried it and if so, what happened?

D.C., Las Vegas

 

I sort of touch on the subject of Viagra in this edition of Dear Girl, and it's not a particularly favorable review.  I'm really organic when it comes to sex.  Not a dildo fan, not a fan of medical enhancement.  That said, yes, I had a good time.  There was some nice, although strangely disconnected stimulation in my clit (which is sort of the female penis, so, appropriate, hmm?).  Certainly not any more than you would get from direct sexual contact with your partner, and not 'better'.  But! I can't speak for everyone.  If your girl is down for an experiment, then by all means give it a shot.  It's relatively harmless (besides possible side-effects) and can be a fun time, like all good sex should be.

 

+ + +

Gotta problem? Of course you do. Send them in email form to Dear Girl (or as we at the office call her, Erin) at info@outsideleft.com. Our intern-monkeys will be sure to pass them on to her.

Sign up for outsideleft's weekly newsletter

get a selection of new stories and archive items in your mailbox, every week. Or less.

 

View previous campaigns.

Terrible Beauty : Wayne Wolfson
Paul Hawkins talks to writer Wayne Wolfson about his new CD Midnight Latitudes
Residency: Kitty and the Kowalskis
You Will Dig Repetition
Daniel Quinn, August Born and If Thousands - Three artists that will explain why Alex's goes all Altered States once he drops the drones in his headphones.
Elisa Vegliante, 'Fantasy crime is a lot less messy...'
Meet My Friend J??nsi!
My Name is Earl, You Can Trust Me.
Earl Javorsky's noir crime novels, Down Solo and Trust Me are imbued with the kind of drug-fueled criminal behaviour not normally seen outside an olympic village
Some of our favorite things...