O U T S I D E L E F T   stay i n d e p e n d e n t

The Return of Dear Girl

get the weekly Outsideleft newsletter
by Erin Pipes, for outsideleft.com
originally published: August, 2005
Settle a bet at the office - - every girl here says that oral sex is not sex.
by Erin Pipes, for outsideleft.com
originally published: August, 2005
Settle a bet at the office - - every girl here says that oral sex is not sex.

Behold, "Dear Girl... - OutsideLeft's version of the tried and true sex column. Erin Pipes, the girl in "dear girl... is a fully qualified expert in the field of sex - mainly because she has the most of it on the staff - so rest assured, you're in good hands.

 

Dear Girl,

No question really - just wondering how long the biggest penis was that you ever saw.

J.G. in Seattle.

 

Well, I'm sure by now everyone's seen at least one Johnny Wadd video, but if you mean how big have I experienced personally, I'd have to say the ten incher on a former acting colleague.  Yeah, it was particularly baby-arm sized and i literally started crying when it came time to get serious, but you know what?  The poor guy couldn't even get half of his steam engine inside my tiny tunnel so it was kind of unsatisfying on both ends.  So much for my budding career as a size queen.

 

+ + +

 

Dear Girl,
Settle a bet at the office. Every girl here says that oral sex is not sex. I say that once the dick enters an orifice - any orifice - sex has taken place. My theory is that girls don't want to add sucking dick to their "How many guys have I had sex with" number so they don't seem as slutty as they probably really are. For the record, I like sluts.

John P. - Long Beach, CA

 

I'm pretty sure I addressed this a few months ago, in a similar "settle a bet..." scenario, when a fella was betting against a friend that a girl could have anal sex and still remain a virgin.  Hell, I was the girl who sucked cock in high school while claiming godly intactness.  After my first summertime lesbian romance, however, I quickly changed my tune. If we're not going to count oral sex as a sex act, then what of all those girls I numbed my jaw over back in the 90s?  I'm saying, as long as you're with a partner and there's any sexual contact involved, then it definitely counts-- putting my personal tally dangerously deep into the mature double-digits.  Yikes.

 

+ + +

 

Dear Girl,

I think you may have addressed this before, but I just read something and it's destroyed my world. What I discovered is that when women ejaculate or "squirt" in pornos, it's usually mostly urine. Is this true? The article - written by a gynecologist - stated that female ejaculation does exist, but the fluid is so little, it would be almost impossible to detect on film. What's your take? Is this gyno just a prude? Have you ever experienced it and if so, what really happened?

The Rooster, Philadelphia, PA

 

Tell me you haven't locked yourself up in your apartment for a weekend and ordered up all the Girlie-squirt porno you could get your wings on, Rooster, and I'll know you're lying.  So, we all know it's for real, and like with anything, with each person, it varies.  One girl may bubble over like a champagne bottle and the next won't even produce a teaspoon. The times I tried, there wasn't much to it, but I have to admit I wasn't all that excited to play Human Sprinkler in the first place, so that probably had something to do with it. It just depends. Oh, and-- hat thing about there being urine in your girl's flow?  That's absolutely true, unfortunately, so think twice before you swallow.

 

+ + +

 

Gotta problem? Of course you do. Send them in email form to Dear Girl (or as we at the office call her, Erin) at info@outsideleft.com. Our intern-monkeys will be sure to pass them on to her.
see more stories from outsideleft's Sports Sex & Health archive »»

more stories you really could read...


thumb through the ancient archives:

search for something you might like...


sign up for the outsideleft weekly. a selection of new and archived stories every week. Or less.

View previous campaigns.

Hey, You Got Your Riff on my Echoplex!
Dub Trio come pretty close to realising the perfect arranged marriage of rock and reggae on their new ROIR release
Making Monsters
Paris Hilton: The Girl Can't Help It
Paris Hilton does a Burger Commercial. So what's all the fuss about? Meat is Murder? Bentley Abuse? What?
Walker Brigade Comes Alive
The Walker Brigade on a submarine mission for you babe at a punk rock tea dance at the Redwood
Set the Controls for the Heart of Rock-n-Roll
This Band has Actual Buzz Around Them
The Double offers a new model for indie rock that will sound great booming from your Jetson's bubble-car
Some of our favorite things...