Given the last thing I wrote smacked quite a backhand on the surge in popularity of assplay, I sure have been thinking a lot about rimming lately. Warm, wet, savory and goddamn arousing, what's not to like about licking "the mouth that won't smile"?
Well, shit. I mean literally, yes, I know. It's a shame the asshole's main function is that of decorative squeeze-tip to the sphincter's frosting tube. If such an intensely concentrated bundle of nerves were knobbed up on the tip of your finger, I'm sure you'd have that sucker in your mouth 24/7, am I right? Don't let that be the reason you never try rimming, though. Baths can be taken. If you're particularly squeamish, enemas are a good way to make sure there are no surprise morsels floating in the great beyond, waiting to attach themselves to your innocent taste buds.
Or is it just the taboo that keeps you from experiencing what could bust the nut of your life? Make that work for you. Need to make sure the bad little girl in your life took a thorough shower? There's a good way to find out. Or are you the bad little girl? What more suitable punishment could there be than being made to put your sweet pink tongue in the nastiest place? Uh huh, that's right.
Besides all that, eating ass is just a delicious cherry on the sundae of your sex life. A good trick to pull out when you need some spice, feeling like you've sucked and fucked the basics to death. And it's easier than you'd imagine.
Think of it as the deepest, wettest soul kiss you could give. Get your partner clean. Or, if you're in a committed, monogamous relationship and you're a kinky little dog - - leave them dirty. Decide which way you want to give (or receive.) It's wonderful to lay back with your legs up, giving the licker full ASScess (sorry). If you're into a gorgeous view, getting your partner to kneel on all fours in front of you is also a good way to get in there. Obviously, the point is arousal - - for both you and the lucky giver/givee.
Some people like their rimjobs much like their sex. They want it hard, fast, and now now NOW. They'd like you to jab your tongue deep inside them just as you would your dick, but that's not really my bag. Like I mentioned before, the soul kiss - - slow and sensuous is the name of the game. Tease around the outside ring, playing with the pucker. This could go on as long as you want - - be a sadist! Get it nice and shiny and slippery, saving the penetration until your partner is grabbing at the mattress and begging for it. This will also ensure they really are ready for it. A rimjob isn't all that different than anal sex. You have to be 100% ready or the experience can be more pain than pleasure. (Which, of course, could be just what you want. Know your partner!)
When you've both acknowledged it's time to 'take the plunge' keep the kiss in mind. Slide that tongue in slowly, teasingly. Work it in partway and then take it out again. Shove it deep just the once, and bring it back out to lick around the ring again, just for kicks. Use your tongue like a cock or twist it like a finger. There are so many neglected nerve endings back there, dying for loving, lapping attention. Is your honey writhing against your mouth, bucking on the bed like Linda Blair? Uttering gutterals and stiff-limbed while you work your magic? Watch and listen for the tell-tale signs, Dr. Frankenstein. You'll know for sure when you've created a monster.
March sees a greatly expanded reissue of Elliott Smith's most critically acclaimed album Either/Or