Behold, "Dear Girl... - outsideLeft's version of the tried and true sex column. Erin Pipes, the girl in "dear girl... is a fully qualified expert in the field of sex - mainly because she has the most of it on the staff - so rest assured, you're in good hands.
Dear Girl,
What's with all the recent fag-haggery over Brokeback Mountain and the relatively recent popularity over the idea of two males fucking each other? Back in my day (I'm in my 30s), women used to scoff, nay, belittle gay men in high school. Now these women - and I assume females younger than them - think the idea of two men boning each other is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I could understand if the women I speak of were true fag-hags (you know the stereotypes: chubby, boyfriendless, hetro, etc.), but the women I overhear going on and on and on about Brokeback Mountain are a combo of straight, married and with kids. Is this a case of "it's hot to fantasize about, but I really wouldn't want to physically experience it (a la the classic women's rape fantasy) or do women really want to be a passive third member in man-on-man sex? Before you answer, I'm not homophobic or gay, I'm just very curious about this novelty change of attitudes - it reminds me of the recent trendy lesbian-chic trend.
Bareback RogerLos Angeles, CA
Dear B.B.,
Getting a girl-boner while watching Jake and Heath make sweaty man-love isn't exactly a topical kink. In fringeland, where I've honed my particular brand of perversion for many years, girls getting off on hot guys screwing each other is old hat. I do know what you mean, though, and it's definitely an of-the-moment trend. Much like what you mentioned, the trendy bisexuality of the late 90s-- fag ogling has definitely become The Thing with the in-crowd. It's the same with everything, isn't it? Girls see MK Olsen wearing those god-awful "bohemian" sack dresses, and all of a sudden everyone HAS to have an overpriced muumuu from Rampage, and please wear that with cowboy boots. In other words, the bulk of the populace are sheep. Go ahead and test the authenticity of your Desperate Housewife klatch, pop in a hardcore boy-bang DVD and see who doesn't turn away in OMG EW disgust. I'm taking the under on that bet.
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Dear Girl,
Don't ask why, but how safe is it to digest urine? Would it help if the urinator drank a lot of water to filter things out before the urinatee partakes in the cocktail?
Thanks in advance, Pee-shy in Pittsburgh
Oh, Pee. Right up front, I'm going to assume you have a good head on your filthy, kinky shoulders-- and have already made sure all parties involved in the chug-a-lug are disease-free. Yes, it's possible to contract infection and STDs through urine, even though the risk is relatively low. That said, for the most part urine is nothing but plain old water, even relatively sterile-- but there are reasons why it hasn't replaced Coca-cola as the nation's favorite beverage. In addition to water, urine contains trace elements of every little thing you've ingested, good and bad. Nitrogen, potassium and sodium, typically. Atypically, undigested alcohol makes it through (shouldn't have had those last three Jager-bombs, hmm?) as well as recently ingested drugs (talk about a contact high!) and even more toxic substances like lead or arsenic. You just never know. The more water a person drinks does tend to dilute the nasties, but however you cut it you're still getting a warm, salty glass of piss; probably no more toxic than a can of the aforementioned Coca-cola, actually, so drink up!
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Dear Girl,
How do I introduce hardcore sex toys into my relationship which up until this point has been pretty vanilla with nothing more than the basic three positions (missionary, doggy, cowgirl) having taken place. FYI, I'm a 28-year-old male who has been around the block a few times who is dating a pretty conservative, 29-year-old gal.
Craig N., San Jose, CA
It's a puzzle, isn't it, Craigy? I'll tell you one thing: it's probably easier to introduce some cutie-poo vibrator action, usually by asking your girl something like, "Honey...want your pussy to feel extra, extra good, hmm?" A little more difficult to ask her to shove a beer can sized buttplug up your ass, depending on the girl. It's all subjective. I'd start slow with your straight-laced gal. Buy the sweetest and least threatening vibrator around. That Hello Kitty pocket rocket is a good place to start. Tell her how hot it would make you to see her "in action," you know? Make it all about HER pleasure, at first. If she's never used a toy in her life, if she's got sexual issues and/or was brought up Catholic, you've definitely got your work cut out for you. But absolutely: slow, slow and supportive. It'll probably take her a year or so to work up to sharing your double-sided dong, but one must start somewhere, right? Good luck!
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