O U T S I D E L E F T   stay i n d e p e n d e n t

PWNAGE and why I lack i...

And why Seth lives in a rose-tinted greenhouse where his world is much better than ours

get the weekly Outsideleft newsletter
by Shane O'Reilly, Editor, Dublin for outsideleft.com
originally published: May, 2006
I am truly awful at Halo.
by Shane O'Reilly, Editor, Dublin for outsideleft.com
originally published: May, 2006
I am truly awful at Halo.

I'm no n00b, I've got my micro on...Ķ. Oh who am I kiddin'. Geeks suck. They SHOULD be bullied. Seth from the O.C. is setting a dreadful example. Dreadful. He's not a proper geek. He has that Summer chick and all those designer clothes for God's sake. Anyhow - you see I got stuck one night, Good Friday actually for somewhere to drink. Like a good boy, I'd bought enough booze to knock a wee elephant flat the day before. My friends, two of them, were going to another guy's house for a Halo competition - two teams of eight. This is definitely not my type of thing. I do not play computer games unless it is Pro Evo (I've become one of 'those' boring guys). After trying to hold out from this event, I inevitably gave up and confronted this little blighter of a game head on. Boo...

I am truly awful at Halo. I misfired, I killed my team-mates, and I stood inanely getting continuously snipered. My team mates took little notice. Eventually bored with it all, I smoked myself retarded and casually tossed grenades at my own compatriots. The geekage in the air was high. Oh yes.... oh yes indeed...Bloody Seth I thought. Geeks of such high voltage should not be tolerated, let alone pitied, loved and thrown busty vixens to computerly shag. Damn him. I sympathised with them, in a very, very condescending manner as they hollered and hooted, their kills increased (making them progressively happier and numbing that inner-instability of having never seen a real breast). Some stood and screamed at the screen (one can only imagine their brains; Blame - 'ha ha mom', Blame - 'ha ha dad'). After putting the 24 OST on, very loudly; playing rambled on.

Way I looked at it; if I played, I drank less. So I paused and rolled etc. They took 'air' breaks outside like we would cigarette breaks. Surreal really. The cd repeated songs trice. Long gone were it seems were the days of changing music. Nothing moved on here, it all just crumbled repetitively backwards and forwards (playing the Prodigy's 'Breathe' when we all know it is a shite song, one of their worst due to it's very commercially poppy swagger. It makes me sick listening to it). Halo fiends have no swagger.

To save my ass here, some of the guys were obviously quite normal and maybe cool. But when you have the likes of one chap standing and proclaiming clearly and distinctly;

'Yeee-haa, this shit gives me a fuckin' hard-on man',

- you do have doubts about sanity and mentality, etc... Suppose being stoned is no better, I was very confused playing that damn game. Very. The massive dog beside me probably had more pwnage (A**y will explain this I'd say, its meant to be geek talk r something for 'OWNAGE') than me on that battlefield. Can dogs laugh? I swear he managed it. Bet it knew I was starving. Bet it knew I was going to have a three-course meal at home the second I got in that door.... oh yes!

see more stories from outsideleft's Culture archive »»

Shane O'Reilly
Editor, Dublin

MORE STORIES TO READ...


thumb through the ancient archives:

search for something you might like...


sign up for the outsideleft weekly. a selection of new and archived stories every week. Or less.

View previous campaigns.

Behind the Counterculture #7: Mel Smith
The Funky Future is Now
The Limit as x Approaches Tortoise
In the mid-nineties, Tortoise was either hailed as the future of music or its death knell, depending on how they set with you, but of course, they proved to be neither of those things. So what are they?
an Odd Pitch #1: Elvis Costello and Lexus
The first of an occasional series of mainly musical pitchmen and their products
Elliott Smith Either/Or

March sees a greatly expanded reissue of Elliott Smith's most critically acclaimed album Either/Or

The child must be taught a lesson
Man Alive! Chris Connolly... Whenever his stories arrive, they're most welcome of course, but damn™! we sure hope they're fiction...
SOME OTHER THINGS