I hate Radiohead. I have never heard a Radiohead album or, knowingly, heard them on the radio. It is inconceivable that anyone would ever play them at a party. It is one of my proudest boasts that I have never heard Radiohead.
I hate Star Wars. I have never seen a Star Wars movie despite the fact that the creeps who like that shit are forever slipping extracts from those horrible, anti-intellectual, negative, infantile, right wing films into TV documentaries. To Star Wars I say, "No! No! Not!"
I hate Glastonbury. I have never been to the Glastonbury rock festival and I never will go. I do not want to be in a field full of assholes who work for the BBC and The Guardian and the British government, temporarily decked out in casual gear while pretending to be counterculture fellow travelers for the weekend, listening to Radiohead, Coldplay, The Who, Dirty Pretty Things, and suchlike vermin. Nuke Glastonbury, its New Labour promoter, and his nasty, phony, rich bitch daughter.
I hate American indie rock bands lead by nice well educated fellows in their early thirties with beards and receding hairlines who are really good guitarists and who write wry, sensitive, love songs about their girlfriends who just happen to be playing keyboards (or alternatively bass) in their disgusting derivative pretentious soft rock combos.
I hate middle aged Bob Dylan fans, trendy geography teachers with brains the size of peanuts.
I hate Internet addicts. Go get bruised pushing your way though life's rich tapestry.
I hate the Irish. Conceited condescending peasants with big chips on their shoulders.
I hate the French. See above.
I haven't run out of things to hate. I've just gotten started.
Joe Ambrose has written 14 books, including Chelsea Hotel Manhattan and The Fenian Reader. Joe is currently working on his next book, Look at Us Now - The Life and Death of Muammar Ghadaffi, which is an expanded version of a story first published in the anthology CUT UP! Visit Joe's website for all the latest info: JoeAmbrose.co.uk.