Fancylad, OUTSIDELEFT's own in-house self-appointed style expert answers all your nagging questions on fads, fashion, vanity, style, and the gentleman's code of conduct.
I know it's proper to light a cigarette for a chick, but what about a guy?
-- Bob, Los Angeles
Fancy has been known to light a smoke for a chum on the golf course if the wind is over 20 miles an hour, but in other ordinary social situations, I'm just as happy to offer a hand.
Oddly enough, it never occurred to me that there was anything suggestive about it until you brought it up. Thanks, Bob. Now every time I light a male friend's cigarette, I'm going to be wondering if he wants to bend me over and have his way with me.
Every summer, my thighs break out with ghastly red bumps. I've tried everything to stop it: baby powder, cornstarch, all-cotton underwear, everything! I'm still getting them and the summer isn't too far away. What's causing them and how can I stop them?
-- Jack T., San Diego
Sounds like ingrown hair to me. Are you wearing tight pants? You definitely might want to try wearing a softer, looser undergarment to minimize the chafing. Fancy swears by Calvin Klien's flannel boxers that fit within the budget.
If loose drawers aren't your answer, you might want to try an over-the-counter cortisone cream like Cortaid. If that doesn't work, go see a doctor -- it could be a heat rash. Or start wearing skirts.
I'm kind of short, but I have been described as decent looking, well dressed, and, charming. Yet I can't help but feel like I could do better with the ladies if they weren't looking down at me. Are shoe lifts crazy talk?
-- Small Fry, Dallas
Unless you and Billy Barty are able to swap clothes, you're probably just over reacting. But if you think that those couple inches are going to give you that little extra boost that you need, Fancy says, 'Why not?'
There are a lot of shoe manufacturers that are making some really nice shoes that cater to height-challenged guys like you. The Richlee Shoe Company (the original "elevator shoe" maker) makes a great looking Timberland-esque hiking boot that are barely able to be kept in stock. The only problem with lifted shoes is that they're not east to walk in. It's kind of like walking down a hill that never ends.
Need advice? Does it concern fashion? Style? Affairs of the heart? Fancylad shoots straight from the hip pocket. Send him all of your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org -- the intern-monkeys will be sure to pass them on to him.
Outsideleft exists on a precarious no budget budget. We are interested in hearing from deep and deeper pocket types willing to underwrite our cultural vulture activity. We're not so interested in plastering your product all over our stories, but something more subtle and dignified for all parties concerned. Contact us and let's talk. [HELP OUTSIDELEFT]
If Outsideleft had arms they would always be wide open and welcoming to new writers and new ideas. If you've got something to say, something a small dank corner of the world needs to know about, a poem to publish, a book review, a short story, if you love music or the arts or anything else, write something about it and send it along. Of course we don't have anything as conformist as a budget here. But we'd love to see what you can do. Write for Outsideleft, do. [SUBMISSIONS FORM HERE]