O U T S I D E L E F T   stay i n d e p e n d e n t

Style Guide for the Modern Cad

get the weekly Outsideleft newsletter
by Emerson O'Sullivan III aka FancyLad, for outsideleft.com
originally published: February, 2005
Are you wearing tight pants?
by Emerson O'Sullivan III aka FancyLad, for outsideleft.com
originally published: February, 2005
Are you wearing tight pants?

Fancylad, outsideleft's very own in-house self-appointed style expert answers all your nagging questions on fads, fashion, vanity, and style.

I know it's proper to light a cigarette for a chick, but what about a guy?
—Damien Northrop, Los Angeles, Calif.

Fancy has been known to light a smoke for a chum on the golf course is the wind is over 20 miles an hour, but in other ordinary social situations, I'm just as happy to offer a hand, and oddly enough, it never occurred to me that there was anything suggestive about it until you brought it up. So thanks, Bob, now every time I light a male friend's cigarette, I'm going to be wondering if he wants to bend me over and have his way with me—as if Fancylad doesn't already have enough gay guys hitting on him as it is.

Every summer, my thighs break out with ghastly red bumps. I've tried everything to stop it: baby powder, cornstarch, all-cotton underwear, everything! I'm still getting them and the summer isn't too far away. What's causing them and how can I stop them?
—Jack Thompson, Wheaton, Illinois

Sounds like ingrown hair to me. Are you wearing tight pants? You definitely might want to try wearing a softer, looser underwear to minimize the chafing—Fancy swears by The Gap's flannel boxers than fit right within the budget. If loose drawers aren't your answer, you might want to try an over-the-counter cortisone cream like Cortaid. If that doesn't work, go see a doctor—it could be a heat rash. Whatever it maybe, you always have Capri pants until the summer day's turn into fall—some dandies actually think the male Capri is making a comeback this year.

I'm kind of short, but I have been described as decent looking, well dressed, and, charming. Yet I can't help but feel like I could do better with the ladies if they weren't looking down at me. Are shoe lifts crazy talk?
—Jose Kelly, Dallas, Texas

Unless you and Billy Barty are able to swap clothes, you're probably just over reacting. But if you think that those couple inches are going to give you that little extra boost that you need, Fancy says why not? There are a lot of shoe manufactures that are making some really nice shoes that cater to height-challenged guy like you. The Richlee Shoe Company (the original "elevator shoe" maker) makes a great looking Timberland-esque hiking boot that are barely able to be kept in stock—or so I've heard. The only problem with lifted shoes is that they're not east to walk in. It's kind of like walking down a hill that never ends - again—so I've heard.

Have a question for Fancylad? Send them to info@outsideleft.com—the intern-monkeys will be sure to pass them on to him.

see more stories from outsideleft's Sports Sex & Health archive »»
OUTSIDELEFT Night Out 2
 
best LPs of 2019 Bill Callahan... best LPs of 2019
  1. Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest - Bill Callahan
  2. Return to Me - Lilac Time
  3. 2020 - Richard Dawson
  4. Chalk Hill Blue - Will Burns & Hannah Peel
  5. All Mirrors - Angel Olsen
Sno Aalegra... best LPs of 2019
  1. Shlagenheim - black midi
  2. The Imperial - The Delines
  3. Old New - Tomeka Reid Quartet
  4. Ugh, Those Feels Again - Snoh Aalegra
  5. 5 - Sault
Esther Rose... best LPs of 2019
  1. You Made it this Far - Esther Rose
  2. Hiding Places - billy woods + Kenny Segal
  3. I Found a Place - Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
  4. Thanks for the Dance - Leonard Cohen
  5. Walk Through Fire - Yola
David Benjamin Blower... best LPs of 2019
  1. We Really Did This and We Really Existed - David Benjamin Blower
  2. The Reeling - Brighde Chaimbeul
  3. Eton Alive - Sleaford Mods
  4. Purple Mountains - Purple Mountains
  5. Biiri - Nihiloxica

more stories you really could read...


thumb through the ancient archives:

search for something you might like...


sign up for the outsideleft weekly. a selection of new and archived stories every week. Or less.

View previous campaigns.

Their Guitars Want to Destroy You
Should you need a wrecking ball destroyed, call upon Minsk to bring enough meat to crush it into driveway gravel
Half naked gothic girls with pussy liquor and stolen babies that were dead by day
As Rob Zombie announces his intention to revisit and re-imagine John Carpenter's Halloween movie, new writer jaycentee gets into a horrifying fan show in Burbank, CA
Morrissey in Pasadena: Night 1 of 3
"Don't cry for me, Pasadena," crooned the evening's headliner, arm elegantly raised up, as he made his way center stage, almost as if he was channeling the dead old bones of Evita Peron herself.
The Ones the Crusher didn't take yet...
An attempt at the record for the World's Longest Hearse Procession, takes place in Los Angeles, around and about the Peterson Auto Museum, where Biggie was shot, on October 29th 2005
The Broad Majestic Shannon
Shannon Hurley writes some of the most widely appealing and intelligent pop music alive today
A Brief Review of Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Belle Plankton goes to the movies...
Some of our favorite things...