Style Guide for the Modern Cad

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by Emerson O'Sullivan III aka FancyLad, for outsideleft.com
originally published: February, 2005
Are you wearing tight pants?

Fancylad, outsideleft's very own in-house self-appointed style expert answers all your nagging questions on fads, fashion, vanity, and style.

I know it's proper to light a cigarette for a chick, but what about a guy?
—Damien Northrop, Los Angeles, Calif.

Fancy has been known to light a smoke for a chum on the golf course is the wind is over 20 miles an hour, but in other ordinary social situations, I'm just as happy to offer a hand, and oddly enough, it never occurred to me that there was anything suggestive about it until you brought it up. So thanks, Bob, now every time I light a male friend's cigarette, I'm going to be wondering if he wants to bend me over and have his way with me—as if Fancylad doesn't already have enough gay guys hitting on him as it is.

Every summer, my thighs break out with ghastly red bumps. I've tried everything to stop it: baby powder, cornstarch, all-cotton underwear, everything! I'm still getting them and the summer isn't too far away. What's causing them and how can I stop them?
—Jack Thompson, Wheaton, Illinois

Sounds like ingrown hair to me. Are you wearing tight pants? You definitely might want to try wearing a softer, looser underwear to minimize the chafing—Fancy swears by The Gap's flannel boxers than fit right within the budget. If loose drawers aren't your answer, you might want to try an over-the-counter cortisone cream like Cortaid. If that doesn't work, go see a doctor—it could be a heat rash. Whatever it maybe, you always have Capri pants until the summer day's turn into fall—some dandies actually think the male Capri is making a comeback this year.

I'm kind of short, but I have been described as decent looking, well dressed, and, charming. Yet I can't help but feel like I could do better with the ladies if they weren't looking down at me. Are shoe lifts crazy talk?
—Jose Kelly, Dallas, Texas

Unless you and Billy Barty are able to swap clothes, you're probably just over reacting. But if you think that those couple inches are going to give you that little extra boost that you need, Fancy says why not? There are a lot of shoe manufactures that are making some really nice shoes that cater to height-challenged guy like you. The Richlee Shoe Company (the original "elevator shoe" maker) makes a great looking Timberland-esque hiking boot that are barely able to be kept in stock—or so I've heard. The only problem with lifted shoes is that they're not east to walk in. It's kind of like walking down a hill that never ends - again—so I've heard.

Have a question for Fancylad? Send them to info@outsideleft.com—the intern-monkeys will be sure to pass them on to him.

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