Hillary Clinton's campaign for the Democratic nomination has been rocked by claims that she is in fact a woman.
An e-mail, sent to over fourteen thousand democrats early this morning, claims that the former senator knowingly participated in menstrual cycles throughout the 1980s, and openly purchased fanny pads and "sticky-uppy contraptions" during this time.
The Clinton campaign issued a strongly worded statement within hours: "Hillary has never - and would never - buy a fanny-pad. Hillary has a penis just like every other candidate, and this is clearly an ill-advised publicity stunt to try and fool the electorate into thinking he is actually a woman, which we all know is absolutely ridiculous."
Commentators commentated that the comments may have been a crudely veiled attempt by main rival Barack Obama to draw attention from Clinton-camp accusations that he is a racist in lambs clothing. Though no one understood the slur, commentators were quick to pick up on it.
Tensions earlier erupted during campaigning in Las Vegas, Nevada, when Obama placed a ten-dollar bet on black. Clinton retaliated by placing an equal bet on red, saying "You racist bastard, I can't believe you just did that."
When the ball stopped on green, leading Republican candidates attempted to capitalise on the Democrats' turmoil, issuing a joint statement saying: "If you're a democrat, and you're thinking of voting, well... If you don't want the women and the blacks making your decisions, don't vote - it's as simple as that."
Chris Connolly writes from Dublin, Ireland. Allegedly he is not as dangerous as he reads. His first collection of short stories, 'Every Day I Atrophy' (the SideCartel) is available now. If you need to know more about Chris Connolly, he has an excellent and excellently informative website here chrisconnollywriter.com